A Violent And Dysfunctional Family
by ChoiSeungHyun110487TOP
Summary: Team 7's kind of a family, don't you think? Read and review. :D
1. Take Off Your Clothes!

I don't own Naruto.

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Sakura walked down the road to Konoha. She just finished a week-long mission and she looked forward to going home and sleeping on her bed.

Sasuke jumped from tree to tree when he saw a pink blob on the main road. Squinting, he saw that it was Sakura. He grinned and ran ahead of her.

"Sakura! Oi! Sakura!" Sasuke waved his hands excitedly, not noticing that he was still standing in a bush.

Too tired to talk, Sakura flung a kunai to where she heard the voice.

"Ow, dammit!" Sasuke walked in front of Sakura. "Why'd you do that!?" He clutched his shoulder; apparently, the kunai went in too deep.

Sakura snapped out of her tired state. "Sasuke-kun! What are you doing here? And...why is there a kunai stuck in your shoulder?"

He glared at her, unblinking. Sakura waved her hand in front of Sasuke's face. "Uh, Sasuke-kun? Why are you looking at me like that...Oh."

He sighed. "Finally! Can you heal it?"

"Oh, sure. By the way, sorry about that."

"Yeah, whatever."

Sakura stood there, unmoving.

"Don't just stand there!"

"How am I going to heal your shoulder with that..er, shirt - in the way?"

"Can't you see my shoulder is injured?"

"I can."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "The point is, I can't remove my shirt because of this stupid wound!"

"Oh, okay." Sakura walked to Sasuke. He thought she was going to heal him, when - BAM!

Sakura smacked his head. "What now?" He rubbed his head, looking at her, his eyebrows knitted together.

"You idiot. Your other arm's not injured, right? Then go use it!"

"Uh, hello? The shoulder is not part of the arm."

"It is, for your information. It's just the same."

"No, it's not. This," He pointed to his shoulder, "is called a shoulder. And this," he pointed to his arm, "is called an arm. The shoulder in different from the arm. Duh."

"I know."

"Then why'd you say that it's just the same?"

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"No. I am a medic-nin, and a highly-"

"-uninformed one at that. Didn't they teach you that?"

"Ugh! You are so stubborn."

"Whatever. Just take off my clothes and heal me!"

Sakura's eye twitched. "Clothes? In your dreams."

"Oh, it is. Now heal me."

"Pervert!"

Sasuke sighed. "Take off my shirt."

"Do your really want me to?"

"I don't _want_ you to, I _need_ you to."

"I don't think it looks better on the floor."

"You're the pervert! Just...please."

"If I'm the one who's gonna take it off, it'll be as if it never existed."

"You're gonna eat it?"

Sakura slapped his forehead. "Hell no! I'll shred it to pieces."

"Really?"

"Really?"

"Then, the shreds will exist, proving that my shirt existed."

"Oh, shut up and take off your clothes!

Sasuke's eye twitched madly. "Did you just say that you want to want to have sex with me?"

"No!"

"But you implied it! Who's the pervert now?"

"I just told you to take off your clothes!"

Sasuke groaned. "Just pull this end of the belt." He pointed to his belt.

"That's not a belt, that's a ribbon."

"No, it's not. What kind of bishounen would put a ribbon around his waist?"

"I think there's no such person."

"Exactly. And it is not a ribbon."

"It still is."

"What? But you said-"

"I meant what I said."

"What did you mean?"

"I said there's no bishounen that ties a ribbon around his waist."

"...I didn't ask for you to repeat it."

"I know."

"What the hell is your point?!"

"My point is you're not a bishie."

"How dare you! You're just jealous because you're not as hot as I am."

"I am SO not jealous!"

"Yeah, you're right. When we were Genin, you were always the one who calls me cool, awesome, and hot. You're just...reminiscing the opposite!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Sasuke inhaled deeply and caught the scent of blood. He looked down and saw himself practically bathing in his own blood.

"I meant that I'm bathing in my own blood."

Sakura looked at his shoulder. It gushed blood, staining his clothes. Her motherly complex reacted and she 'switched personalities'.

"Oh, look at you! Your clothes are all bloody! Let me get that for you." Sakura took off his shirt and started nursing the wound.

"I thought you didn't want to take off my shirt."

"I didn't. I needed to."

"That's what I said!"

"Hush, Sasuke."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

After a few minutes, Sakura stood up. "Okay, let's go-"

"Sakura? Go where?" Sasuke turned around and saw Sakura unconscious on the ground. He panicked.

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Wait for the next chapter, guys. :D


	2. Pathetic

I don't own Naruto.

* * *

"AAHH! What do I do? I can't let her die here, she's my teammate! And teammates protect each other. Oh, no, Naruto's gonna kill me! I don't want to die yet! NOOO!"

Naruto happened to be passing by and he saw Sasuke panicking and Sakura on the ground. _Sasuke? What the..._

Sasuke dropped to his knees, clutching his head. "I don't want to DIE!"

Naruto rolled his eyes and walked to Sasuke.

"Aah! What am I going to do? I'm gonna-"

"Teme."

Sasuke whirled around. "No! It wasn't me! It was...Naruto."

Naruto raised his hand in greeting.

"I am so happy to see you!" Sasuke hugged Naruto.

"Teme, get off me." Naruto knelt beside Sakura. _Low on chakra..._

He turned to Sasuke. Suddenly, Sasuke spoke frantically. "Okay, it was me. No, it wasn't. She just healed me."

"I swear, I didn't-"

Naruto put his right inde finger to his temple. "SHUT UP! She's just low on chakra, idiot!" He gut-punched Sasuke.

Sasuke stood up. "Who are you to punch me, you imbecile?"

Naruto carried Sakura bridal style and started walking towards the gates. "That's Hokage-sama to you, asshole."

"Why you-! Konoha must really suck nowadays, now that you're Hokage."

Naruto stopped walking. "Say one more word and I'll make you do _it_."

"You're still an idiot."

That was the last straw. Luckily, they were already at the gates. Naruto turned to the guards. "Bring her to the hospital and ask for Tsunade-baa-chan."

"Hai, Hokage-sama!" They ran off.

Naruto turned to Sasuke and cracked his knuckles.

"You talk too much, Sasuke. Act your age." He advanced towards Sasuke, but Sasuke stood his ground, smirking.

"And you talk too little. What happened to the loudmouthed blonde?"

Naruto charged. "I'm in a bad mood today, so shut up." Naruto brought up his fist. Sasuke closed his eyes and waited for the blow. But it didn't come.

Instead, he heard two clicks. He opened his eyes. In front of him was Naruto, grinning cheekily.

"What?"

"Idiot. You thought I was going to punch you? Pa-the-tic." Naruto smirked.

Sasuke raised his right hand, only to find his hands bound with shackles. "What the-? Shackles? Really?"

"Really. Now let's go. Naruto dragged the chain that bound Sasuke's fists."

-

Gomen...it's short. The next's longer. :D


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